Friday, 6 March 2015

Strange Light

I just can't believe that
it's been so long since I have written to you all.
When I looked back
it was last September!!
I'm so sorry!

I have been visiting you all
but not commenting
as I know I tend to visit those
who have been kind enough to comment
I didn't want you all to have a fruitless journey!

What's been happening??
When I look back
I see that I wrote I was still in some pain.

The pain got worse
and when I returned to the consultant
he discovered 2 of the screws,
 at the top fixing the 
4 vertebrae that had been fused, 
had come loose.
These were waggling around and making bigger holes etc...etc...

The upshot was
that I returned to hospital, 100 miles away,
for more surgery on 16th Feb this year.
(This meant 3 major surgeries in 14 months!!)
I'm now recuperating.
I can't sit upright for long
so longed to be in touch with you all.

'What's with the photos of the tree?'
I hear you ask

This is the tree outside my bedroom window.
I see a lot of it these days!
I loved the way the golden evening sun
was catching it
highlighting the lichen on the branches.

There are so many golden moments that we can miss because we are looking down
or inwards.....
sometimes I feel that I need to stop
looking at all
I've been/ am going through
and take note of the golden moment 
that is there 
for such a fleeting time!

So what else has been happening?
Well not a great deal...

I shared about my Open University studies....
I passed my Examinable Assignment
and am now
thoroughly enjoying my second year.
It is still at foundation level
but is just so interesting!
It takes 16 hours of study a week..
so the course guide says...
I find it much, much more!

Unfortunately there is a 3 hour exam in June 
and I am really not
looking forwards to that.
However, I will face that one when I get to it!
If I find it is stressing me too much
then I will stop!!

I was down at the coast
before I went into hospital.....
and loved the way the dark clouds
had breaks in them ,
allowing the sun above,
to break through and highlight
parts of the sea.

Who knows what's around the corner
but I have to believe
that the sun is behind the clouds
and only looking...
for an opportunity........
to break through.

So sorry it's taken me so long
it's good to catch up with
whoever happens to read this!
Thanks so much for
being there for me whenever I can manage
to post!!

Same tree.......
..........different day!!

Saturday, 6 September 2014

Yes.....I Know.......!!

Yes....I know...
It's been almost 2 months since I wrote.

Life seems to have been so full.
A cry I know many of us echo as we try to catch life by the coattails!

I decided that, with all the sitting around, being unable to get out
my mind was beginning to need
 some stretching
so I started doing a course, by distance learning,
with the Open University.

I didn't tell anyone...just in case
I didn't manage to complete it as I didn't want 
to have egg on my face!

I've taken it one assignment at a time..
and so many times I have sat in front of the computer and thought
"I can't do this!"
Yet, I have!
I have so enjoyed the breadth of what I have learnt...
sometimes I have felt angry 
(on the behalf of those that I am learning about,)
other times I have felt frustrated,
as the assignments haven't covered the things that have grabbed my attention

But, I've done it!!
Oh yeah!!

I really can't believe it....
I have completed 7 Tutor marked assignments.
I was telling my doctor this week
and he said
to have achieved an average over the 7 of
when during the study time
I have had 2 major ops.,
have an eye problem which means my eye slowly closes when I'm reading...
...and I fall asleep
(more often than not!)
and also I am on some majorly strong pain killers!

Was really something!!

The next part was the examinable 
of the course
50% of the marks 
and,apparently, if you fail that
you fail the course!

So, I have had my head down for days
...even feels!
working at it.
My eyes feel exhausted and my brain
Well more than it usually is!

I have checked... and rechecked...
and rechecked..
and now I have submitted it.
Oh yeah!!
I'm happy about the content but...
am worried
that I may have got the referencing wrong.
I have to stop worrying..
it's done and a friend of mine would say!

I have already booked for my next course...
am I a masochist?
I'm really enjoying all I am learning...
and the assignments
help me look deeper and not just skim read.
I have learnt so much about the world we live in.

I started just wanting to do a course
but now am...
in line to do a degree...over the years.

I don't know whether I will...
we'll see!
What I am doing is just....
doing one assignment at a time...
sometimes kicking and screaming...
but, I'm doing it!

and enjoying it!!
I hope it doesn't sound as if I am complaining 
because I'm not...
I'd stop if I didn't  find it so exhilarating!

all is well!!

Sorry Mum didn't do a post when she was here.
I've got the photos but it seemed to be all go! 
Perhaps I'll manage 
to settle down with her
when I am able to visit her!

At the moment I'm not allowed to drive that far!

My hip is wonderful....don't know I've had it done..

My back is a different story....
It is really painful still.
I asked the physio.... when I last saw him
and he said it would be 12-18 months
before we finally know what's happening....

I asked if I would still be in pain
and he said that I could be.
I said...why the op then...if the pain doesn't go?

He said that I had to have it as 
I would have been in a wheelchair.
I suppose that's one blessing!!

I have been visiting but not commenting ....sorry!

It's a glorious autumn day so
I am going to have some lunch...
and then...
go outside and enjoy a short walk...

Saturday, 19 July 2014


I know that my Title is 'Pink'
and this is a blue flower.

I just wanted to share my thoughts
on the fact that
we determine what is going to happen
or we think...
by a word or chance remark
and then...
perhaps go on our own bunny trail.....
we get thrown
and question why ...what..?

I've been unable to spend time in the garden
as I would like........
..and, suddenly,.. 
as I looked out of the sun room window....
I realised that practically all the plants 
in my patio garden
are pink!!

The old pergola 
is showing a lot of signs of age
(like me....I sigh)
and the winter storms
have pushed it over at a frightening degree!

I do love to look out and see the flowers
it just brightens up the day!

To get back to expectations...
how hard do you find it
to change the train of thought that
a word or an incident starts off..


For me...something can trigger
a train of thought
that might be nothing like the other person intended
as they started to speak...
but I ...
have gone off on a totally different track
and it can be hard then
to see what the other person meant!

My physio said that the back pain.. 
may never get better....
and I was immediately
going back down the tunnel of despair.

He said we won't know for another 12-18 months
how bad....or good....
it is going to end up!
I asked 
"Why the fusion of the 4 vertebra then?"
He said that
the collapse of my vertebra
could have got so bad
that I might have ended up in a wheelchair

I immediately latched onto the negative
and started down the winding trail..
on reflection..
there's a lot of positive 
in what he says..
and I have to relearn
to pick up the positive and stand on that!

Talking of expectations ...
and looking at things in certain ways...

The flowers I have shown have all been
and taken...
whilst I have been standing with my back to the house
looking at the patio....

When I turn around 180*s.....
look what I can see...


While I had been thinking all is pink...
when I changed direction...
there was blue!
this little agapanthus
is very special to me as...
when my mother and I went to Madeira
it must be nearly 20 years ago...
we went on a trip right up into the mountains..
and there were farmers selling the plants.

Mum and I bought a few...
I gave some to my daughters...
and planted some...
in my garden.
They became overgrown with weeds and brambles
and I thought I'd lost them...
a couple of years ago..
hubby was clearing the area for his new tool shed
when he said....
"This is a strange weed"

I couldn't believe it...and rushed to put it in a pot...
where it's stayed until...
a couple of weeks ago I saw signs
that it was going to flower..


there's a lesson for me there....
to not hear the beginning
without hearing the end....
but also..
not to go down the same old road...but....
to turn right around and look for...
the unexpected...
the signs of hope and change...
that perhaps I will be able to regain 
some of my old life...
and do...
some of the things..
that I used to do and enjoy before!

Sorry about all of this..
but it spoke so powerfully to me!

I couldn't finish without showing you
what happened last week..

as you know
I planted all the trees and shrubs etc 
when we built our house.
These last few years
I have been unable to do any weeding etc

and it has really upset me
especially this big border by the wall.

a team of young people from a church in Aberystwyth
came to our area for a week...
to hold tent meetings
for the community
and they also

offered to help weed gardens of those who were having difficulty in doing
all sorts of other hard to do jobs!

I so wish I had taken 'before' pictures
perhaps from the mounds of weeds
you'll get the idea!!??

I am just so grateful to them....
It has really cheered me up....
In fact...
the other afternoon.....
I was so busy looking at my lovely new border
I nearly drove into the wall of the house!

What a great way
of showing God's love...
through serving people without expecting
anything more than thanks!

The other good thing is 
that part of the garden has been tidied up
to celebrate my mother's visit.

She is hoping to come at the beginning of August
to celebrate her 94th birthday
with the family in Wales
She is much fitter than I am
so I expect
I will be able to twist her arm
to do a guest post 
as she has done these last couple of years!

Perhaps if you ask nicely......
(She reads my blog)
so you can ask her yourself

Thanks for allowing me to take you 
around the ideas that seem to be filling my thoughts!

Tuesday, 24 June 2014


I saw the consultants
last week and...
they are both delighted with my progress

As for the pain in my back.....
I'm told it may never go....

I won't know..
how good..or bad
it will be..
for at least another...
12-18 months!

The good news is...
that the fusion seems to be working and
the bone grafts are taking...
so that should stabilize my spine..
against any more slippages!!

I'm aloud to DRIVE AGAIN!!!!
Short distances for now....
and I have to say
it's still very painful trying to move my legs...
and the muscles have degenerated
so that sometimes, I have to physically
lift them hand...sort of..
so I won't be tempted to drive too far.

I can get out without having to bother
any of my wonderful friends
who have stood by me
on those many non-driving times
over these last six and half years!!

I'll let you into a secret.....

Now that I CAN drive....and go out
I don't particularly WANT to!!

Isn't that typical?!

I wonder whether you have found yourself
thinking just the same thing?

Do You know....?
I just love to chat to you like this...
while we meander
around this beautiful garden.

It's one I can easily manage on the crutches
that I'm told I'll be using for some time.
So I can concentrate totally
on all the interesting things...
that you're sharing!

It's one of my favourites places..
and I know I've brought you here before
every time I come...
I'm struck by something different....

something that takes my breath away...
and it's soooo good
to share it with you.....thank you!

Again....I have brought you
to the walled garden at Picton Castle

The flowers are just so beautiful
at this time of year

It seems to go from one...
"OH, just look at the next"!!

One of the many things...
 that I love about this garden
is the change in shapes and texture
where ever you look..
Strong and tall

sweet and delicate!

Paper thin poppies

strident succulents!

The contrasts....
The beautiful blue sky

I so enjoy this place
and really hope you do too?

At this time of the year...
some local villages
have 'open gardens'...
when some of the homes open their gardens
to raise money for charity.
I love going to these
last weekend we went to one
near my daughter's home.
We called in for a cup of tea and
sat in the garden
relaxing whilst
the children played...
Suddenly my daughter said...
"You've got a butterfly on your sunhat, Mum"

I HATE having my photo taken
and I had no makeup
or any idea of what I looked like
when I crammed my sunhat on....
I just felt I had to show you these photos...
that is...
only if you promise not to laugh...
'the camera doesn't lie...'

I had to stay really still
so it didn't fly way

Worth it though!!